Top 10 Rejected Rose Parade Float Ideas for 2011 – Vote for Your Favorite!



Happy New Year!
And don’t forget to
pickup after yourself!


10) The Tiger Woods’ Miniature Golf Course Float -- Links Decorated with Novelty Corporate Iconic Product Placement Logos Like Before, Only Now Representing Lost Endorsements

9) The “99 Weekers” Mobile Food Bank Float

8) The Arizona’s SB 1070 Anti-Illegal Immigration Float Decorated by ‘Petal Pushers’ Volunteers – The only people known to do a job for less wages than the undocumented

7) The Lindsay Lohan Rehab, Court and County Jail Float with Revolving Door

6) The Brett Favre’s Giant Text Float with Giant Magnifying Glass

5) The Alaskan Wilderness Frontier Float Featuring Sarah Palin Shooting Bambi from a Helicopter

4) The Arnold Schwarzenegger “I won’t be back Cal-Lee-Four-Knee-Ahh!” Float Sponsored by His Own Failed Terminator Administration

3) The “Say, Whatever Happened to Haiti?” Float Sponsored by – Oh look, a distraction!

2) The Christine O’Donnell Satanic Pentagram and Salem Witch Trial Reenactment Float

And a 3-Way Tie for Number One in the New Year 2011:

1A) The Crisis in the Gulf of Mexico “Where Did All Dat Oil Go?” Float

or ,

1B) The Tea Party’s 2010 Candidate Float Sponsored by Gotham City’s Arkham Insane Asylum Mental Healthcare Workers Association

Or…

1C) The Mr. WikiLeaks Himself:, Julian Assange, Man of International Mystery Float – Completely Constructed Out of Glass Mirrors

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All Rights Reserved.

Sarah Palin Wrote on the Foreheads of the ‘Tea Party’ Audience Too, Video Shows

Nashville, Tennessee --

A new video from the first ‘Tea Party’ convention has surfaced that is certain to fan the flames under Sarah Palin’s address in which she used a homemade ‘telepalmter’ during her speech. The incriminating footage taken from the backstage quickly pans the front row reserved for VIPs, event sponsors and their employees. A close-up freeze-frame shot clearly shows the entire front row audience with cheat notes scrawled across their foreheads.

Handwriting experts have confirmed that it is definitely the rest of Sarah Palin’s speech she started on the left palm of her hand.

“We all knew there wasn’t enough room on her hand for all of her speech,” said a handwriting expert “We just didn’t know where she put the rest of it…until now.”

“I had no idea Sarah Palin was using me as a human teleprompter,” said Homer Johnson, the ‘Tea Party’ attendee that unknowingly had the conclusion of Sarah Palin’s convention speech written on his forehead. “But come to think of it. It kind of all makes sense now.”

Homer says when he got up to use the restroom he wondered why Sarah Palin paused her speech, waiting for his return.

“I thought she was just being polite,” Homer said.

As Sarah Palin waited for Homer to return, she stood silently on the stage biding her time by taking several drinks of water and occasionally interacting with the audience on off topic subjects trying to kill time.

“Excuse me,” said Sarah Palin pointing to her throat as the audience looked about the room wondering what was going on. “I’m a bit dry.”

After holding the glass of water up to her mouth for several minutes, she finally finished drinking. Then while holding the empty glass upside down above her head, tapping the bottom of it to demonstrate to the audience she was out of water, she gestured for some more.

As a man walked on stage with a pitcher full of water, pouring some into her empty glass, the microphone picked up Sarah Palin making an inquiry, whispering into the man’s ear as to the whereabouts of the missing gentleman in the front row.

“I’ sorry,” whispered back the man holding the water pitcher. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. But I’ll check into it.”

“You know what,” said Sarah Palin to the man as he was about to walk away with the pitcher of water as she glanced at her wristwatch. “It may be better if you just leave the pitcher.”

That was when Homer finally retuned to his seat.

“Okay,” said Sarah Palin as she adjusted her eyeglasses, squinting to refocus on Homer’s forehead in the front row. “Lets see…where was I now?”


Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

Sarah Palin’s ‘Tea Party’ Address Causes Quite a Stir at the White House

Washington, D.C. --

“Now I really want you to look at these computer enhanced images of what your body will look like come 2012,” said President Barack Obama to ‘Obama Girl’ who helped sway the electorate, winning his 2008 presidential election for him and who now sat in the Oval Office with other members of his Cabinet and chief of staff, going over campaign strategies to defeat Sarah Palin in 2012.

“Notice how you’re projected to put on a little weight?” continued Obama speaking to ‘Obama Girl’ as the Surgeon General nodded his head in agreement. “Now it’s not so much that the Surgeon General here is raising any red flags, calling it a health concern. As much as you continuing to look so great as you do in a bikini. So I’ve taken the liberty to ensure that happens.”

Obama then called in a personal trainer into the room, introducing him to ‘Obama Girl’ who was busy stuffing her face with chocolate chip cookies at the time.

“Sven,” said Obama with a smile on his face as he rose to his feet zipping up his jogger’s jacket with the Presidential Seal embroidered on it. “How are you old buddy? Hope the windy city is treating you well. Say, I’d like you to meet ‘Obama Girl’. She’s been a faithful and most useful member of Team Obama. But now, as you can see by the computer projections, she won’t do me much good in the years to come if she doesn’t get control of her diet. What do you recommend?”

“The pain!” replied Sven in broken English as he flexed his bulky arm muscles so that it caused the veins in his neck and forehead to bulge, flooding with blood.

‘Obama Girl’ started gagging and choking on her chocolate chip cookies in response.

Sven, mistaking ‘Obama Girl’ for having need of the Heimlich maneuver, lifted her up from out of her chair and while positioned behind her, began squeezing her like a tube of toothpaste until she fell to the floor unconscious.

“Oh no,” yelled out Sven with his hands on his cheeks. “Not again!”

“There goes my reelection,” said Obama throwing his face into his folded arms on his desk.

“Is she dead?” asked Sven to the Surgeon General who was checking ‘Obama Girl’ for a pulse.

“No,” replied the Surgeon General. “In fact, she’s coming to.”

“Thank God!” said Obama jumping to his feet, throwing Karate punches in the air. “I’m back in business!”

“What do we tell her happened to her?” asked a concerned Sven, kneeling on one knee gently stroking ‘Obama Girl’s’ cheek.

“I know,” said Obama snapping his fingers. “Lets just put her back in her chair and pretend like nothing happened.”

“You mean like in that ‘I Love Lucy’ episode?” jokingly asked the Surgeon General.

“Yeah,” said Obama, nodding to Sven.

Sven then lifted up ‘Obama Girl’, returning her to her seat, arranging her body to the position it was in before. Even placing a chocolate chip cookie in her mouth.

As ‘Obama Girl’ regained consciousness, Sven was unable to look ‘Obama Girl’ in the eyes and looked nervously around room instead. Not knowing what to do next, he resumed his posing, causing ‘Obama Girl’ to gag and choke on the chocolate chip cookie in her mouth.

Sven instinctively rushed in plucking ‘Obama Girl’ out of her chair, performing the Heimlich maneuver on her.

“Oh no,” cried out Obama throwing his arms up in the air. “Not again!”

Sure enough ‘Obama Girl’ fell to the floor unconscious again.

“Is she alive?” Sven asked the Surgeon General who was checking ‘Obama Girl’ for a pulse again.

“Just barely,” the Surgeon General said. “In fact, without an immediate –”

“Wait!” interrupted Obama, throwing his hand out in the air.

“You got another idea?” sarcastically remarked the Surgeon General.

“Yeah,” said Obama as he paced the Oval Office. “I saw this movie once about a bachelor party where the prostitute they hire dies on them.”

“Oh no,” said Sven, shaking his head. “Not again.”

“Now, now, Sven,” said Obama patting Sven on his back. “Remember?”

“Yes, I remember,” said a resigned Sven, picking up the still unconscious ‘Obama Girl’ from the floor. “What happens in Chicago stays in Chicago.”


Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

Is Levi Johnston’s ‘Hockey Stick’ in Playgirl Photoshopped?

New York, New York --

Rumors abound emanating from behind the scenes of the Playgirl photoshoot of Levi Johnston that say his nude pix were Photoshoped to enhance his manhood. "He didn't really didn't pose with a hockey stick," alleges the photographer's assistant that took the nude photos of Levi Johnston. "It was a toothpick."

Evidently, it was Johnston’s idea to pose nude with his hockey stick. Believing it would suggest in the eye of the beholder both girth and length of his male member. Only it obstructed too much of his body.

As the photographer and Johnston went through the proofs, a mutual decision had to be made.

“Johnston was embarrassed when I suggested we use a toothpick instead,” said the photographer’s assistant. “But it was just the right size.”

Johnston even walked off the set he was so upset. However, the Playgirl photographer was able to bring him back by reaching a compromise with him.

“We Photoshopped the toothpick to look like his hockey stick,” said the photographer’s assistant.

It took two photoshoot sessions to complete, but in the end the photographer and his assistant were finally able to get the desired effects, using their software to manipulate hardware to slowly morph a toothpick into a hockey stick.

“Wow!” said Johnston expressing his satisfaction with the finished product. “I thought only my girlfriend could do that -- she’s going to a trade school to become a graphic artist.”


Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo