Washington, D.C. --“Now I really want you to look at these computer enhanced images of what your body will look like come 2012,” said President Barack Obama to ‘Obama Girl’ who helped sway the electorate, winning his 2008 presidential election for him and who now sat in the Oval Office with other members of his Cabinet and chief of staff, going over campaign strategies to defeat Sarah Palin in 2012.
“Notice how you’re projected to put on a little weight?” continued Obama speaking to ‘Obama Girl’ as the Surgeon General nodded his head in agreement. “Now it’s not so much that the Surgeon General here is raising any red flags, calling it a health concern. As much as you continuing to look so great as you do in a bikini. So I’ve taken the liberty to ensure that happens.”
Obama then called in a personal trainer into the room, introducing him to ‘Obama Girl’ who was busy stuffing her face with chocolate chip cookies at the time.
“Sven,” said Obama with a smile on his face as he rose to his feet zipping up his jogger’s jacket with the Presidential Seal embroidered on it. “How are you old buddy? Hope the windy city is treating you well. Say, I’d like you to meet ‘Obama Girl’. She’s been a faithful and most useful member of Team Obama. But now, as you can see by the computer projections, she won’t do me much good in the years to come if she doesn’t get control of her diet. What do you recommend?”
“The pain!” replied Sven in broken English as he flexed his bulky arm muscles so that it caused the veins in his neck and forehead to bulge, flooding with blood.
‘Obama Girl’ started gagging and choking on her chocolate chip cookies in response.
Sven, mistaking ‘Obama Girl’ for having need of the Heimlich maneuver, lifted her up from out of her chair and while positioned behind her, began squeezing her like a tube of toothpaste until she fell to the floor unconscious.
“Oh no,” yelled out Sven with his hands on his cheeks. “Not again!”
“There goes my reelection,” said Obama throwing his face into his folded arms on his desk.
“Is she dead?” asked Sven to the Surgeon General who was checking ‘Obama Girl’ for a pulse.
“No,” replied the Surgeon General. “In fact, she’s coming to.”
“Thank God!” said Obama jumping to his feet, throwing Karate punches in the air. “I’m back in business!”
“What do we tell her happened to her?” asked a concerned Sven, kneeling on one knee gently stroking ‘Obama Girl’s’ cheek.
“I know,” said Obama snapping his fingers. “Lets just put her back in her chair and pretend like nothing happened.”
“You mean like in that ‘I Love Lucy’ episode?” jokingly asked the Surgeon General.
“Yeah,” said Obama, nodding to Sven.
Sven then lifted up ‘Obama Girl’, returning her to her seat, arranging her body to the position it was in before. Even placing a chocolate chip cookie in her mouth.
As ‘Obama Girl’ regained consciousness, Sven was unable to look ‘Obama Girl’ in the eyes and looked nervously around room instead. Not knowing what to do next, he resumed his posing, causing ‘Obama Girl’ to gag and choke on the chocolate chip cookie in her mouth.
Sven instinctively rushed in plucking ‘Obama Girl’ out of her chair, performing the Heimlich maneuver on her.
“Oh no,” cried out Obama throwing his arms up in the air. “Not again!”
Sure enough ‘Obama Girl’ fell to the floor unconscious again.
“Is she alive?” Sven asked the Surgeon General who was checking ‘Obama Girl’ for a pulse again.
“Just barely,” the Surgeon General said. “In fact, without an immediate –”
“Wait!” interrupted Obama, throwing his hand out in the air.
“You got another idea?” sarcastically remarked the Surgeon General.
“Yeah,” said Obama as he paced the Oval Office. “I saw this movie once about a bachelor party where the prostitute they hire dies on them.”
“Oh no,” said Sven, shaking his head. “Not again.”
“Now, now, Sven,” said Obama patting Sven on his back. “Remember?”
“Yes, I remember,” said a resigned Sven, picking up the still unconscious ‘Obama Girl’ from the floor. “What happens in Chicago stays in Chicago.”
Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo
