California Tree Huggers Lured Out of Treetops by Promise of Private Screening of ‘Avatar’



"If I would have known I’d end up on a T-shirt,
I would have spent more time planning
my estate than revolutions."®

Arcadia, California --

Faced with a public relation nightmare of having to forcibly dislodge environmental protestors perched treetop in a 100 year-old grove of trees slated for demolition to help clear a nearby catch basin for a dam at the foot of the San Gabriel mountains, police decided to take a different tact. And fight fire with fire instead.

“Our intelligence division informed us that we were dealing with a group of idealistic nonviolent individuals whose civil disobedience and call to action was inspired by the movie ‘Avatar,” said police. “So we thought, ‘Why not use that against them?”

Undercover of dark, police quickly proceeded to setup an outdoor theater at the end of the arroyo complete with a giant plasma TV screen, surround-a-sound vibrating chairs, 3-D glasses, snack bar and a cardboard cutout of ‘Avatar’ director, James Cameron, standing on a red carpet behind a velvet rope entrance taking tickets.

“A similar technique is used in the plains of Africa to lure younger Baboons from their troop to get them to lead tribesman to water in the area,” police explained.

One by one the treetop protesters voluntarily left their perches to get a closer look at what was going on at the end of the arroyo.

Peeking through the grove of trees they vowed never to leave and defend with their lives, the second they saw ‘Avatar’ was playing, the protestors ran pass the James Cameron cutout and took up their seats in the makeshift outdoor theater.

“Yeah, but not before stopping off at the snack bar to pickup an armful of junk food,” said police.

Ironically, most of the protestors were fast asleep before the movie’s opening credits rolled on screen. No doubt physically exhausted by their ordeal.

“Or more likely overtaken by a sugar rush they got by eating all the junk food they pigged out on,” said police.

In the predawn hours, early next morning, police were carrying off the protestors, all still asleep in their arms, to a police van waiting to be driven off to a nearby police station for their processing.

“Later, when they wake up, we’ll book them for trespassing,” said police, as they hung a ‘PLEASE, DO NOT DISTURB’ sign (made out 100% recycled paper) on the backdoor of the police van before driving away.

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Octomom Gets Suze Orman’s Top 10 Financial Advice…And Then Some

"Mommy, is
Suze gone yet?"

The following Top 10 List of Financial Advice from that gabby guru of gush, Suze Orman, to the cash-strapped Octomom (Nadya Suleman) was inspired from that recently aired TV program on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Enjoy.


10) Change your last name to something less ethnic sounding like O’Brian. That way you’ll draw more sympathy from the American public and acceptance in the media.

9) Remodel your house into the shape of a giant shoe and ask Pee-wee Herman to marry you. I hear he’s good with kids and is a very snappy dresser. Although be prepared to go down on your hands and knees, because I also hear he doesn’t like to clean up after himself. What? Well, he doesn’t.

8) Sell your bodily fluids. Blood is okay, but urine is better. You can get top dollar selling your pee to someone that’s desperate to pass a drug test. Ladies, you’d be surprised what corporate TV executives will pay, or do, for a clean catch from a menstruating middle-aged woman today -- Believe me, I know.

7) Harvest your organs….Or someone else’s. Wink. Wink. No, just kidding. That’s illegal in most countries…in most countries. Just saying is all.

6) Open up a Day Care Center taking care of your neighbor’s kids. It’s ironic, I know. But trust me, at this point a few more rug rats running around won’t make a difference. Not only that, you’ll get a tax break and will be able to call yourself a “Businesswoman” instead of just a “Housewife”, which for some odd reason helps. I don’t know why. They are the same jobs, just different titles, falling under separate sections of the tax code.

5) Put the “Little Ones” to work. Granted they got tiny hands that can’t grasp much, but they fit well into tight spaces like garbage disposals, pool drains and conveniently under lawnmowers, too.

4) Rent out your womb to a Hollywood celebrity like Angelina-Jolie. Or even a Quasi-Celebrity wannabe like Madonna.

3) Buy a decommissioned school bus, paint it all kinds of crazy hippie colors, bill yourself and the kids as the new “Partridge Family” and hit the road. Never looking back.

2) Still looking for Mr. Right? Insure the hell out of yourself, naming your children as irrevocable beneficiaries and then go on a blind date with some guy you just met on Craigslist. Why then, you’ll be worth more dead than alive.

1) Buy my new book: “How to Succeed by Using Your Feminine Wilds to Bilk Horny Geezers with Nothing Better To Do But Hang Out at a Diner All Day Gawking at What They Perceive to be a Straight Woman Out of Their Hard Earned Cash to Give You Your Big Break in the Lucrative Financial Consultant Business Without Really Trying (Like Me, Suze Orman!)”


Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Top 10 Rejected Rose Parade Float Ideas for 2011 – Vote for Your Favorite!



Happy New Year!
And don’t forget to
pickup after yourself!


10) The Tiger Woods’ Miniature Golf Course Float -- Links Decorated with Novelty Corporate Iconic Product Placement Logos Like Before, Only Now Representing Lost Endorsements

9) The “99 Weekers” Mobile Food Bank Float

8) The Arizona’s SB 1070 Anti-Illegal Immigration Float Decorated by ‘Petal Pushers’ Volunteers – The only people known to do a job for less wages than the undocumented

7) The Lindsay Lohan Rehab, Court and County Jail Float with Revolving Door

6) The Brett Favre’s Giant Text Float with Giant Magnifying Glass

5) The Alaskan Wilderness Frontier Float Featuring Sarah Palin Shooting Bambi from a Helicopter

4) The Arnold Schwarzenegger “I won’t be back Cal-Lee-Four-Knee-Ahh!” Float Sponsored by His Own Failed Terminator Administration

3) The “Say, Whatever Happened to Haiti?” Float Sponsored by – Oh look, a distraction!

2) The Christine O’Donnell Satanic Pentagram and Salem Witch Trial Reenactment Float

And a 3-Way Tie for Number One in the New Year 2011:

1A) The Crisis in the Gulf of Mexico “Where Did All Dat Oil Go?” Float

or ,

1B) The Tea Party’s 2010 Candidate Float Sponsored by Gotham City’s Arkham Insane Asylum Mental Healthcare Workers Association

Or…

1C) The Mr. WikiLeaks Himself:, Julian Assange, Man of International Mystery Float – Completely Constructed Out of Glass Mirrors

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All Rights Reserved.