Sen. Sanders’ Filibuster to Obama: Put the kitchen sink back!

"Yes, the kitchen sink too!"

Washington, D.C. --


Outgoing Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senator Bernie Sanders (I) took a stand against President Obama today by giving him a shellacking democrat style. They took exception when they discovered he made a deal with Republicans to extend the George W. Bush tax cut extensions by two more years. A deal that included giving away the White House kitchen sink as well. Which was the straw that broke the camel’s back, enraging Democrats, provoking them into action.

“Not the kitchen sink too!” said a spokesman for House Democrats.

While Senator Bernie Sanders held the senate floor with a good old filibuster, Nancy Pelsoi headed straight for the White House with a carload of House Democrats.

“Let’s roll, boys,” said Pelosi.

As Nancy Pelosi and company pulled up at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, a “99'rs, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Estate Tax and continued Bush W. Tax Cut Extensions for All Americans” moving truck was parked in front of the White House, its loading ramp already down.

President Obama himself with his sleeves rolled up was helping the moving men carrying the kitchen sink out of the White House out to the moving truck. Vice President Joe Biden standing off to the side drinking a beer, directing Obama and the moving men.

Nancy Pelosi and her boys jumped out of their car and immediately began blocking the loading ramp, their arms interlocked.

“We had to put the kitchen sink back for now,” said one of the moving men who was backing out of the White House carrying the kitchen sink when he bumped into Nancy Pelosi.

“We can’t let a deal this bad go through,” said Senator Bernie Sanders on the Senate floor, continuing with his historic filibuster. “The White House and everything in it belongs to the people. It is after all the people’s house not his [Obama]. He’s just a tenant. We the people are the landlords. Landlords of the shining house on the hill that is quickly turning into a tenement. So President Obama, I ask you on behalf of the American people who voted for hope and change…Put the kitchen sink back!”

“I don’t see what all the fuss is about,” said Janice Walker, 89, a homeless woman who lives across the street from the White House, while she stood in front of her shopping cart filled with everything she owns. “They’ve been moving furniture out of there ever since they moved in two years ago. Last week it was a Zenith console TV set. You know, they don’t make those in America anymore…TV sets, I mean.”

Walker then pulled back a gray weathered Mexican blanket covering her shopping cart, revealing a Zenith console TV set hidden underneath.

“I got the last one, see?” said Walker smiling a toothless smile. “Now all I need is a new American dream to plug it into.”

Copyright © 2010 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Willie Nelson’s Lawyer Argues: Willie’s Pot Really His Special Blend of Kentucky Bluegrass



Some Willie Nelson Supporters
outside a "Free Willie" rally


Dallas, Texas --


After analyzing the so-called cannabis contraband found on Willie Nelson's person, Austin border police have been forced to reconsider lessening the marijuana possession charge against the world renown country signer, or even dropping it altogether.

Border police busted Nelson the day after Thanksgiving when they found what they thought was marijuana, stuffed into a live turkey he was carrying under his arm.

“He tried convincing the police that he recently converted to vegetarianism,” said Martha Maryweather who was standing behind Willie Nelson when he was arrested. “And that he had just rescued that turkey he was carrying under his arm from a thanksgiving dinner he was invited to by his friends. But the police didn’t believe him. I didn’t believe him either. They thought he was high on pot. We all thought he was high on pot. You know, having one of those ‘Reefer Madness’ moments.”

Unfortunately the turkey did not survive the police interrogation and expired sometime during a full body cavity search.

“No doubt succumbing to ingesting 2 out of the 6 ounces of cannabis Mr. Nelson stuffed into its body,” said police.

However, Mr. Nelson will not be facing any animal cruelty charges. As the animal he selected to plant the alleged illegal substance was a turkey and it was on or near Thanksgiving Day.

“Also,” added police. “As cannabis or pot, as it is known by its street name, is classified as an herb. It’s therefore technically considered a dressing. In fact, my wife uses it all the time…the herb dressing, I mean. Not the pot.”

“Initially the field test conducted on the remaining alleged illegal substance retrieved from the turkey Mr. Nelson was transporting under his arm came back positive,” said authorities. “However, subsequent test results have been mixed at best.”

Authorities are still not saying much as to what the “alleged illegal substance” Nelson was carrying, if not pot. However, his lawyer did at a “Free Willie” rally, taking center stage wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt.

“My client [Willie Nelson] is innocent!” said Jerry Stromburger, Nelson’s attorney and Dead Head as he nearly stumbled off the stage. “That’s all I wanted to say, man. He’s innocent! Wait a minute…Who’s innocent again?”

Mr. Stromburger then wandered off backstage into a cloud of cannabis before reemerging from it a few minutes later, escorted back to the microphone with the assistance of two scantily clad young blonde women, wearing little more clothing than their Willie Nelson style rainbow colored headbands.

A surprisingly suddenly sober Stromburger then read from a prepared statement filled with legalese.

“At no time was my client, William Nelson, in the possession of the aforementioned alleged illegal substance,” said Mr. Stromburger, looking down his nose through a pair of reading glasses at the paper he held steadily in his hand. “Rather my client was in possession of a special blend of Kentucky Bluegrass, which my client currently holds patent pending rights to. If you have any questions, please address them to my office during business hours. I thank you.”

With that, Mr. Stromburger exited the stage. Again, escorted by the same two scanty clad blondes as before, back into the cannabis fogbank.

Copyright © 2010 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.